The Caravan and Camping Club: The Controversial Truth About Joining the Cult of Campsite Enthusiasts
So, you’ve heard the whispers. You’ve seen the bumper stickers. Maybe you’ve even been invited to a “members-only” BBQ where the secret handshake is… a wobbly caravan door? The Caravan and Camping Club—a group so passionate about caravans, campfires, and questionable fashion choices that you might wonder if it’s a cult. But before you start making your escape plans, let’s talk about the unvarnished truth of joining the Caravan and Camping Club.
You see, camping isn’t just about getting outdoors. Oh no. Camping has become a lifestyle. It’s about tiny homes on wheels, collecting an alarming amount of personal towels, and investing in solar-powered fairy lights for a “romantic” evening under the stars (that no one will ever see because you’re too busy being inside a tin can, with the curtains drawn). So, if you’ve ever thought about joining the Caravan and Camping Club, I’m here to prepare you for the wild ride (pun intended). Buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy one.
The ‘Campervan’ Cult: More Than Just the Chairs
Let’s talk about the real culture of the Caravan and Camping Club (we’re calling it “The CCC” now—because calling it by its full name feels like reading an ingredient list on a processed food label). Once you join this group, you’ve entered a secret world. Don’t believe me? Let’s break it down.
- First Rule of CCC: If you own a caravan, you must talk about your caravan. All. The. Time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about passionate hobbies, but the second you get a caravan, you enter into a verbal contract. I hope you’ve taken up “caravan chat,” because it’s about to be your full-time job. You’ll be cornered by seasoned members who will ask about your suspension system, your tow bar, and the luxury of your awning fabric. And trust me, you’ll be judged.
- Second Rule of CCC: You must own at least one of the following: a “grill kit,” a set of “collapsible storage bins” (that you’ll use once and then throw into the back of the caravan like every other person on earth), and, of course, a camp chair that reclines into a full-on nap mode. If you don’t have the chair that can double as a bed, you’re a tourist in the world of hardcore glampers.
- Third Rule of CCC: You must refer to your caravan by its name. You thought I was joking about the cult, didn’t you? The amount of people who name their caravans—yes, you read that right—rivals the number of dogs in the UK. “Bessie,” “The Wandering Star,” “Betty the Dream Machine” (I’m just guessing here)—if you don’t name your caravan, prepare for an onslaught of “Are you really one of us?” glances. Maybe I should just throw in the towel now and get one of those fluffy air fresheners with a smiley face.
The Awkward Social Dynamics
Let’s talk about the awkwardness. Oh, the awkwardness.
There’s this curious phenomenon that happens the moment you join the Caravan and Camping Club. It’s like you’ve suddenly entered a micro-society where no one can be just a normal person. You’re either a “seasoned traveller” or a “newbie” (this is said with such judgment, you might as well be called a “weekend warrior”). Newbies are the ones who still dare to park their van in the wrong section of the campsite or have a “I’m too excited to have a drink” energy. You will be corrected on every decision you make, from the type of fire pit you use to the number of cushions you bring for your outdoor seating area. You’ll end up asking yourself questions like, “Is my awning set-up pretentious enough?” or “Should I use a non-slip mat under the kettle?”.
There’s also a social hierarchy that exists here. You think it’s all peace, love, and ‘s’mores, but no—there’s a real class system. If you show up with a caravan that has a non-electric toilet, you will immediately be considered less than. These members have their pride. In the world of the Caravan and Camping Club, it’s about luxury—and I’m not talking about your husband’s camping stove from 1983.
The veteran club members? They carry with them an air of wisdom, like Jedi knights of the road, wearing hats that shout, “I know what I’m doing, and so should you, rookie.” It’s a terrifying, silent stare that makes you wish you had gone for the motorhome with the proper curtains, instead of just slinging up your mismatched bed linens.
The Real Drama: The Electric Hook-up Wars
Now, let’s talk about the true battleground of the Caravan and Camping Club: the electric hook-up. Ah yes, the battle for a power outlet. You thought getting a good parking spot at a music festival was cutthroat? Please. In the Caravan and Camping Club, the race for an electric hook-up is the event of the season. God forbid your neighbour gets their electric kettle plugged in before you—there’s a good chance your afternoon will involve passive-aggressive discussions about “power hogging” and “the true meaning of camping.”
Here’s the thing—most new members think this whole thing is about camping. It’s not. It’s about finding the perfect plug. It’s about your appliances. The camp chairs, the lights, the popcorn machine, the electric blanket (who needs a tent when you have a heated mattress?). Once the “hook-up” happens, you’re golden.
The Tendency to Take Over Every National Park
Caravanners have this curious habit of staking claim to every patch of land in sight. Some claim it’s about “taking part in the full camping experience,” while others believe they’re creating a vacation haven wherever they go. But the truth is, every national park or forest will soon have its fair share of caravans claiming a permanent plot. Some of us are simply here to “camp,” but no—these folks are here to own the land. God forbid your tent or bivvy bag be placed anywhere near a caravan. If you don’t have full electricity and water supply, do not pass go.
Conclusion: Is the Caravan and Camping Club for You?
Joining the Caravan and Camping Club is not for the faint of heart. It’s not just about connecting with nature—it’s about connecting with your fellow caravanites who have perfected the art of outdoor living down to the last square inch of their awning. The secret meetings, the gossip about awning extensions, and the personal attacks on anyone who dares to call themselves a “glamper”—it’s a strange world, but one that many caravan enthusiasts can’t imagine leaving.
So, what do you think? Are you ready to drink the Kool-Aid of caravanning and camping? Or are you better off pitching your tent far, far away? Either way, just remember—don’t forget your electric hook-up, or you might find yourself banished to the wild, unsanctioned camping grounds. Happy caravanning! Don’t forget your fridge.
